An Idiot in Search of a Village … Activists Without a Cause

Hey, they are really the same thing as evidenced by two weeks of anti-something-or-other events at the Ground Zero of the nation’s leadership. Though Spring Flingers congregate in Washington, D.C., each year, themes seem especially heavy on antiwar. But who has time for all those angry people? We prefer to approach this from a tour guide and entertainment coordinator’s perspective. No reason to wait for a weekend! Just head to MacPherson Square midweek and a wide array of entertainment choices surround you. 

Notes: This list for March 19 events came from our brothers and sisters at the Department of Homeland Security (DHS). The MacPherson Square Metro stop is on the Blue-Orange Line. Most important, ripped jeans, T-shirts, and hoodies are de rigueur. 

“Blockade the IRS”: Participants will meet at 7:30 a.m. at McPherson Square Park and march south-southeast to the IRS headquarters at 1111 Constitution Ave. between 10th and 12th streets, NW. They will gather outside the main entrance at 8 a.m. (We think a kickoff with the IRS is ill-advised for an antiwar event, but hey, who are we?) 

“Disrupt the War Profiteers”: Student groups and activists will converge upon the streets throughout the day to rally outside offices of large corporations such as ExxonMobil, Shell, Halliburton, Lockheed Martin, Bechtel, and the IMF/World Bank. Violent actions are not expected but participants might attempt to enter buildings and disrupt routine activities. (We knew they’d get the World Bank into the mix. This event probably catches every activist group and those looking for a cause.) 

“Separate Oil and State”: Participants will meet outside the American Petroleum Institute at 1220 L St., NW, at 13th St. Starting time for this event is not yet available. (Catchy title. Love it.) 

“Veterans March for Peace”: The march will begin at 9 a.m. at 7th St., NW, on the National Mall between Madison and Jefferson streets. Marchers will pass a variety of locations. (Bring your hankies. These are typically sad. Spectators often view the supposed veteran participants with pity more than contempt.) 

“Critical Mass”: Cyclists will meet at 8:30 a.m. at Dupont Circle (P St. and 19th St., NW). They will travel through downtown possibly riding south on Connecticut Ave., NW to the White House. It has been their intent in the past to intentionally disrupt traffic. (Any disruption at 8:30 a.m. will go unnoticed in this normally grid-locked location.) 

“Granny Peace Brigade Knit-in”: A sit-in is planned for noon outside the VA office at 810 Vermont Ave., NW. Violence is not likely, and there should be minimal disruptions to routine activities. (We think this is another new one. Full marks for creativity. We rank this as a must see, though we are unsure why they’re at the VA.) 

“Funk the War”: Similar to Disrupt the War Profiteers, student groups will converge on the K Street corridor. Participants will meet at Franklin Square Park (14th and K streets, NW) at noon and travel down K Street. (Sigh. Boring.) 

“March of the Dead”: Dozens of activists will roam the city dressed in black representing those killed in the Iraq war. Minimal disruptions are likely. (This one is our personal favorite. If we’re lucky, they’ll appear gaunt and in white face with black robes. Right out of a cheap B flick. This tactic is especially popular with the San Francisco Bay Area crowd and once a year outside Fort Benning, Ga.) 

“The World Can’t Wait”: Anti-torture rally at 1 p.m. at Lafayette Square Park on H St., NW, by the White House. (This is a new one and should be a real hoot. Is it us or is the implication that the rest of us are pro-torture? Those guys are slick.) 

“March on DNC”: Participants will gather at 5 p.m. at the Reflecting Pool on the National Mall and march to the headquarters of the Democratic National Committee at 430 S. Capitol St., SE. (We are unsure why they’d march on the party that supports many of their stances. Biting the hand …?) 

One DHS suit meandered over to take in the sights and reported quite a state of chaos. He saw a number of animal rights people (these things attract everyone), some guests in our nation’s capitol who were very angry over U.S. foreign policy toward Israel, a rainbow of hair colors (none natural), and every imaginable sub group against a backdrop of a heavy law enforcement presence. (Did we mention the live band and vegan sandwiches?) 

Now that we have tortured the subject of the annual migration of Spring Flingers to Washington, D.C., and tried the patience of our kindest readers, we will move on.
A Happy Easter to all, including our activist brothers and sisters: Mornin’, Sam. Mornin’, Ralph. See you next spring.

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