The staff at “Inside the Headquarters” have figured out Iran’s latest foray into deep water.
Though we cannot confirm this, we think members of the Britain’s Monty Python comedy troupe might be calling the military shots for Iran, as evidenced by that country’s latest stunt on the high seas.
The recent bit of brinksmanship involved five Iranian cigar-style speed boats (the drug-running and playboy kind) and three U.S. warships (the big, gray, manly kind) crossing the Strait of Hormuz into the Persian Gulf. Though the Iranian vessels harassed and threatened the U.S. ships, going as far as to imply that someone would explode, the U.S. crews showed only-in-the-movies restraint. (Would we be that cool in such a situation?)
Though this was a serious incident, given the high-jinks history of Iran’s spirited leader President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, this has England’s kings of satire and the film “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” all over it.
We consulted our panel of experts, who not only agreed, but recited the pertinent portions of the film. You might recall the French (the U.S. in this scenario) were safely in their castle when the English (the Iranian boat boys) show up and attempt to harass and intimidate the much stronger foe.
U.S.: Hello! Who is it?
Iran: It is Iran, and we are the Revolutionary Guard Corps. Whose ships are these?
U.S.: These are the ships of our leader, the president of the U.S.
Iran: Go and tell him we have been charged by God with a sacred quest … for the Holy Grail.
U.S.: Well, we’ll tell him, but we don’t think he’ll be very keen. … He’s already got one.
Iran: What are you doing in the Persian Gulf?
U.S.: Go away!
Iran: If you will not show us the Grail, we will make your ship explode.
U.S.: You don’t frighten us. Now, go away!
Iran: This is your last chance. (pause) Charge! Charge!
U.S.: Ready, Aim …
Iran: Run away! Run away!
Almost lifted directly! They can’t fool us. Again, the U.S. Navy was nothing but impressive. But maybe the captain of the USS Hopper and others may have figured that Iran could not possibly have put this plan together and saw this was in fact the work of the admirals of British comedy. We only can hope the Eric Idles and John Cleeses of the world continue to help Iran toward irrelevance.